It's Finally May!!!

The month of May brings promises, hopes, and dreams. Although I should probably wrap up April. So I officially stepped-up in the world....I have an iPhone. Never thought I would own one (as so much love it). Granted, I have a long way to go in order to master it, but one step at a time. The autocorrect has made for some interesting conversations...nothing like calling your friends hoes. I know I know...its close to "go".

I finished my semester last Friday. I had two papers to write and two exams. My research paper I did on Cryptography and found it to be very boring. I did receive an 80 on it and apparently that is what she basis your final grade on. The other five papers and discussions I had to write didn't even matter. Oh well....I'll take the B- and run. I wrote on Feminism for my American Lit. paper. I have discovered that attending an all-girls college is quite an experience. I think it hinders a majority of the girls socially. Anyway, my grades have to be posted by Friday afternoon so only time will tell.

My next semester begins next Tuesday. I'm taking Graphic Novel (for those that don't know it's basically comic books/stories) and then for the second summer session I'm taking short stories. Each session is six weeks. So that means double time and double the headaches. It should be interesting if nothing else. Oh well....from the Star Wars IV movie, "Stay on Target..."

I've been dealing a lot with my emotions for the last few weeks. I've always taken stuffed my feelings and when things are said that hurt I just deal. I'm not a mind reader, but I don't want to feel like a worthless piece of shit either. I'll bend over backwards for the man I love and do anything I can to help and make our lives feel whole. It's the other things in life...I want to be loved. I want a best friend that I can tell anything too and not be judged. If at any point it is work to love someone then it isn't meant to be. Not saying that a relationship isn't work because that takes work everyday...but love is something that never wavers. No worries though...I'm still waiting patiently.

Zoë is officially three! I can't believe it and wish I could have froze her at three months old. Her birthday party is this Sunday. Once again we are flying kites up at the property...I guess my father is a little hung up on the theme. I told him next year we were going to have to do something different...maybe the inflatable slides?

Enjoy the weather this week...hope to see many faces at the St. Clement's horse show :-)

Easter Candy...$200

The pressure is on with the end of the semester.  I have three papers to write in the next two weeks. Maybe it wouldn't seem quite so daunting if the topics were actually interesting. I'm not looking forward to summer school...although I don't know many people that would. The little voice inside my head keeps reminding me that at least they are online classes.

I went to an old friend's house on Sunday to catch up and watch the latest Harry Potter movie. He has been working for State Farm for 15 years and they are consolidating his department so if he wants to stay with the company he needs to move. His option are GA, TX, and AZ. I told him to pack his things and don't look back. Looks like another friend of 13 years is moving  :-(

Has everyone done their Easter shopping? I couldn't believe the amount of STUFF you can buy now as far as candy!! What happened it one kind and one maker of jelly beans? Three or four kinds of chocolate bunnies? There was so many selections I think Easter is the new Halloween. Instead of walking door to door asking strangers for candy, your parents buy you five pounds of it and you don't have to beg. Not that I'm complaining because I love holidays and spoiling....Easter basket anyone?

Exciting week ahead....I'll keep you posted  :-)

Today Is Another...

With much thought and soul searching, decisions were made today. The way I love and who I love is not something I'm willing to change. Break my heart a million times, but at least I loved and can show my daughter what it truly means. Maybe this is what makes me unique? I love unconditionally. My therapist has told me I'm too understanding. I laughed even though I know he's right. Yet, I love who I am. My parents have been married for 32 years and this was the advice my mother told me, "Your children must come second. Your relationship with your other half must come first because once you lose each other you have nothing." No wonder my parents are happily married and I've always been spoiled. If you don't love someone with your heart, mind, body, and soul then why be miserable? You happiness always has to come first. Children learn from their parents the "kind" of relationship they deem is normal...

I received my grade for the short paper I wrote last week. 75...Not great, but for having writer's block for two weeks I'll take it. I guess I can write a bunch of bullshit and still get a decent grade...a little scary. Signed up for my classes for the summer and fall. Great schedule and at the rate I'm progressing I'll be graduating December 2012.  Then the awful job hunt begins...New York is looking bleak.

Enjoy the warm weather!

What Is Never Said

I've been slacking off. Not on purpose...I promise!  As many of you know  I turned 31 on Monday and I've been celebrating for the last two weeks.  Shopping, hair appointment, nails....Oh yes and to top it off a stellar weekend out. Dinner saturday night was at Dick & Peg's Restaurant near Peck Lake. This is your quaint log building that has been decorated with everything and anything. Food is phenomenal but patience is of the utmost. Wait time to actually sit and eat dinner is roughly 80 minutes. That's an hour at the bar and after you are seated at your table twenty minutes to have salad and rolls. The salad bar had many options and very fresh. Rolls were served hot and you had a few different varieties. The menu is given to you at the bar on a wooden meat cleaver. Yes, a meat cleaver. When it was first handed to me all I could think was, "How many wives/girlfriends wish these were real?" Everything read straight forward. Your choices are either a slab of cow or seafood. No chicken. No pasta. Nothing fancy. Very unique place and can't wait to go back!

I completed my thesis statement. Last week, I had horrible writers block and could hardly type out a two page paper on whether or not an illiterate person is dangerous. I still got it in on time. Another "little" paper due next week and I have three weeks to write my 7 page research paper. Dreadful!!!!

I got some tough love from my best friend Erika last night. My track record in my love life has never been the best. I always put my heart and soul into my relationships and get burned in the end. I never wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm harder to read than an instruction manual. So what do I do? Protect myself and keep everyone at arms length? What makes guys think I want to be strung along? Stop dropping the floor out from underneath me! Man up...what are you scared of?

Well, I'm off for my first run. It's above 50 and sunny...so I'm hitting the pavement!

All Things...

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” ~ C.S. Lewis


The road to life is never a smooth path...hence, the potholes. Everyone views failure differently but it is how you make your mark in life that defines you. Throwing in the towel at the age of thirty or forty is the easy way out because life is just beginning. There is still another 350,652 hours to live...do you accept that challenge? The best part (or not) is that you don't have to waste 18-22 years in school again. Unless, you are walking in my shoes and feel the need to always be a student. Failure is only measured by what you didn't accomplish. Trying your best is all anyone can ask...this will never bring failure. Disappointment is hard to overcome, but bend over and pull-up your big boy/girl boot straps. 


Talking of potholes I'm sitting in a huge one. I still haven't developed a thesis statement for my English research paper. My topic is Cryptography. I have no idea where to go with it...I would like to tie WWII into something with today.  I'm starting to think I'm going to have to argue that using our credit/debit cards over the internet is not as secure as we think.


Time to finish my day of rest...

Stupidity...

Did you notice that it was a whopping thirty-eight degrees today? The sunshine may fool many, but it's still cold out no matter which way you look at it. Today I'm going to talk about stupidity. Not the standard stepping on the gas pedal and speeding because the weather "seems" nicer. The secret hiding spots for cops to nail you with the radar gun are starting to become mud holes...soon they will be sitting there watching...waiting. Nothing new, right? How about the forty-one year old man (student) that chained himself to the fountain at UAblany on Friday morning? The protest is because the college cancelled the day due to the recent events from the riot "Kegs and Eggs". He claims he doesn't have a key and the person that does will not return until Monday to release him. I don't know about you, but it's to damn cold to be sleeping in a tent, not eating, and there is no way I'm wearing an adult diaper....yet (as he is claiming to do for this protest). Honestly, the students should feel blessed that the college administration doesn't cancel ALL activities. 

I recently thought I was crazy for spending 24k a year for a private all girls college.  I could save 14k per year (only one more year left) by attending UAlbany. After the recent events I wouldn't be caught dead near that school. There is no price on one's integrity...

It's a Three Letter Word...

Today's topic for conversation is everyone's favorite. Sex. Three little letters that impact our lives, but how do we use those three letters? There are many directions to be taken with this subject, but I think today I'm going to stay on sexual exploration and relationships.

Sexual exploration can cover many aspects but the one I'm going to focus on today is pleasure. Not just pleasure for your partner, but for yourself. Actually, how can you satisfy your partner if you don't know what makes your own body tick? Though it takes time and creativity to accomplish scintillation. One night stands and thirty minute sessions are great for the guy to get his quick release and take a nap. Women need more finesse; or is it the fact we just need to get a few toys and send ourselves to Jupiter and back. I'm not saying a toy or a pocket rocket should ever replace a man... BUT why not make things a little interesting? Guys should never think or feel they are trying to compete with plastic vibrating tools. Why don't you hit the "naughty" store together? You might be surprised what you pick out separately... Stay with me guys...the rule of the game is to stay comfortable within your means. Never overstep anyone's personal comfort zone. Yet, try to be open to new and different ideas. Spicing-up your sex life or that one little sensation that feels amazing that you never thought possible could change your sex life. If you are one that just covered your eyes and said, "Oh my, I can't believe she is writing about this...," then maybe romance is your way. Take the extra hour to make her feel beautiful. I'm not talking foreplay... Run your fingers through her hair as your look into her eyes...kiss her neck....massage her body...whisper in her ear how beautiful and amazing she is. Feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world makes us melt.

Relationships are one thing we start to work on when we are in elementary school. As we get older the more meaning they hold and society deems them imperative. Granted a "work-in-progress" will always be labeled to every relationship and if you don't put in the time and devotion it will fail. I was asked recently what needs to be in that relationship besides the trust and understanding? Is there love at first sight? Soul mates? Do you think about someone every hour of the day and it makes you smile? Are you able to love unconditionally? The best advice I had for this person was to not settle. If you don't love them and can't accept them for who they are now...it will never get better.

Until next time...

Welcome to My Spat

Today I have decided to start a blog.  I've kept a diary for 16 years and have enough notebooks/journals that I could have saved fifty trees. Besides why keep all of my thoughts, issues, and laughs to myself?

The topics of schools has surfaced.  My mother is an aid of a first grade class at Shenendehowa this year and she watches a seven year old every other Saturday. The seven year old attends St. Clements in Saratoga and is also in first grade. My parents have always had the high hopes of Zoë attending St. Clements. I was never against the idea...maybe it was because I went to St. Mary's and I turned out OK (you can stop laughing now!). Classrooms are small and for the most part it's the same kids every year...and I do mean EVERY year. Uniforms can be a blessing in disguise. There is no choice in what to wear to school in the morning and everyone has to wear the same thing. I already have fashion diva on my hands. Yet, the most important issue is where is she going to get the better education. With my mother silently working the background and able to experience what both schools are teaching to first grades, it has been revealed that private schools just don't make the cut. Sister Roberta had us reading in kindergarten and now private schools are behind the public schools with reading. Although, I personally have my own bone to pick with how schools are teaching kids how to read. How can you just teach children to read by how the word looks? What happened to learning the different vowel sounds and words....the "old school" way? Our generation used to love to read and enjoy the challenge more so than having someone read to us. In May, Zoë will move into the three-year old class at St. Paul's and will stay there for the year. The search for when she turns four has begun. Will she just do a morning/afternoon Pre-K? How about a full day at Waldorf's Kindergarten? Or just start Kindergarten all-in-one? Either way I don't see a private school in her future....but homeschooling is a good possibility!

Devon has been on my mind lately. It's amazing how someone so little can bring out a fire inside of your soul, but when you are dealing with loss and heartache can make you so cold. I have found myself not caring, climbing-over people to get to where I need to be, and lashing out. Tired of being lied to. Sick of being burnt. Did it get me anywhere? No. Devon taught me a lesson that I have to remind myself everyday: When I think I have something to complain about, think about the pain he suffered everyday. Four hundred seizures is no small feat...and I would do every second over in a heartbeat.

Silence. I hate being ignored. I don't mind reaching voicemail and leaving messages. Text messages are fine (even though you lose the personal touch). The lack of common courtesy to respond is enough to drive me batty. Of course, I always try to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. "Oh they are very busy with school." "I'm just trying at a bad time." Four months later...  I know I'm not the most punctual person in the world, but I try my hardest to be timely.

Time to tutor....peace out